AHAN • MALE • 19 • DELHI
Life is a beautiful journey. We are all born with the same confidence, capabilities, and traits, but as we grow up, particularly during our teenage years, we tend to identify ourselves. We explore who we really are, and in that process, we often find ourselves in a tough position. Today, through this article, I would be sharing my story, my fight with depression, my experiences with it, how I didn’t give up, sought help, and decided to sail through tough times. Reaching out and asking for help can really help one out.
Hello, I’m Ahan, and I was born and raised in Delhi. I did my schooling in Delhi and am now pursuing my graduation from Delhi University. As an only child, just like any other, I wanted to live my life, explore, and just be myself, but things started to get out of hand during my school time.
I was in the 9th grade when I had my first anxiety attack. I didn’t know what to do, so I resisted it, but I couldn’t resist it for long. I opened up to my parents about it, and just like any other household, instead of taking me to a mental health professional, they tried everything to get it off. It’s in my family, where everyone has achieved so many things. Instead of taking me to a professional, my parents took me to a relative, where my relative gave me numerous pieces of advice like, “What is happening to you? Don’t be like this. Don’t talk about this with everyone. What will people think about you?” Humare family mein kabhi kisi ka confidence down nahi hua, then tumhara kyu ho raha hai. I listened to it, and when I told them I needed to see a mental health professional, they ignored my point and told me to cut them off with them.
I struggled a lot during my school times, due to low confidence and doubting myself. I wasn’t able to perform my best during my school times, but when COVID came into our lives, and we were totally isolated, locked up in our homes, this was the time when my mental health got worse. My anxiety increased, I used to get panic attacks, and I used to cry alone during nights, hoping the situation would end. After COVID restrictions were eased down, my school also reopened, but there was another problem I was facing: feeling socially anxious, not replying to emails and messages, not being fully active on social media handles. It was at that moment when I decided to open up to my family. Seeing me in emotional distress, they took me to a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist listened to my problems and prescribed me antidepressants for my depression. I was on them; it really worked. It stabilized my mood, and increased my confidence. These medicines stopped me from having any type of unwanted or vulnerable thoughts, but it’s truly said, medicines do have their side effects. In my case, the side effects were not being able to sleep properly, not feeling hungry, feeling numb, and not being able to cry. The side effects got worse, and this was the time when I decided that I needed help. I can’t stay on these medicines forever. After a lot of courage, I decided to seek/take help from a therapist. As I had taken psychology in 11th and 12th grade, I knew how therapy works but didn’t know how to open up, or how to confide in the therapist. I had questions on my mind, “Will it work out for me? Trust, confidentiality issues, everything was hovering around in my mind, but after a few sessions with my therapist, I started to feel better and started to talk about my issues. It was my therapist who made me understand that my ‘FEELINGS ARE VALID.’ I found my safe place wherein I discussed all my problems with her, and she was there for me during my toughest and hardest moments.
Often, it has been seen in a country like India, wherein we are told to hide our feelings, especially in the case of men. I have heard since my childhood, ‘A man is considered weak if he shows his emotions, feelings, and is crying. Act like a man.’ We are told to repress our feelings, but it was my therapist who made me understand that it’s absolutely right to cry and let my emotions out. FEELING MY FEELINGS helped me to understand myself more. In fact, the more we feel our feelings, it emotionally mature us. This depression made me feel like I was not worth it. I felt trapped in my body and felt as if someone else was doing all the work for me and not me. But working out with my therapist, I started to see a lot of changes in myself.
As told by my therapist, I started to engage in ‘Self-care, self-love.’ Self-love is a fundamental concept related to self-compassion, self-acceptance, and nurturing a positive and healthy relationship with oneself. It involves treating oneself with kindness, understanding, and care. Here I accepted myself and started to work on myself, my weaknesses, my goals, and setting personal boundaries, and it really helped me and is helping me at the moment. But the questions arise here:
How to engage in the practice of self-love and self-care? Engaging in the practice of self-love and self-care is essential for your overall well-being and mental health. It’s a journey of nurturing your physical, emotional, and psychological needs. Here are some steps to get started:
- Understand the Importance: Recognize that self-love and self-care are not selfish but necessary for your overall health and happiness. When you take care of yourself, you’re better able to care for others.
- Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Understand that it’s okay to make mistakes and have flaws. Practice self-compassion by not being too hard on yourself.
- Set Boundaries: Learn to say “no” when you need to and don’t overcommit yourself. Setting boundaries helps prevent burnout and allows you to prioritize your well-being.
- Prioritize Self-Care Activities: Make a list of activities that make you feel relaxed, happy, and fulfilled. This can include reading, taking a bath, practicing yoga, going for a walk, or simply listening to music. Schedule regular self-care time into your routine.
- Exercise: Engage in regular physical activity that you enjoy, whether it’s dancing, hiking, swimming, or going to the gym. Exercise releases endorphins, which can boost your mood.
- Sleep: Ensure you get enough sleep. Establish a consistent sleep routine and create a comfortable sleep environment.
- Practice Positive Self-Talk: Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. Focus on your strengths and achievements rather than dwelling on your shortcomings.
- Cry: Whenever you feel you want to cry, just let your emotions and feelings out. It’s totally okay to cry. Crying allows us to unburden ourselves; it gives you a sense of relief as well as processes the situation better.
- Journaling: Keep a journal to reflect on your thoughts and feelings. Writing can be therapeutic and help you gain insights into your emotions.
- Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to ask for help or talk to a therapist or counselor if you’re struggling with self-love or mental health issues. You don’t have to go through it alone.
I know that taking that first very huge step of asking for help is quite difficult for any individual, but we need to understand that individuals going through a tough time are in need of help. They are individuals who exhibit remarkable bravery as they navigate their unique challenges. They face adversity with strength, often going unnoticed by those who may not fully grasp the complexities of their experiences. It is crucial that we extend our understanding and support to them, rather than perpetuating negative stereotypes. By looking beyond the labels that society imposes, we can begin to see the true essence of each person. Each individual has their own story, their own struggles, and their own journey towards healing.
It is through open dialogue, education, and fostering a supportive environment that we can dismantle the barriers created by societal prejudice. Seeing a therapist really helps; I am still taking therapy sessions. There are days that are hard, but instead of giving up, I decided to show up and seek help. In the hour of crisis or if anything is bothering you, we all have our inner battles, struggles, and it’s completely okay to feel disconnected or not able to catch up or stay out of routine. It’s absolutely alright, but always remember that there is someone out there for you who deeply cares about you, is ready to listen to you, and ready to help you out. I am here because of my therapist; my therapist saved my life. And now, as I am on the path to recovery, I am helping to raise awareness among people, especially young adults/adolescents, creating awareness to reach out to a trusted professional. It was my therapist who created an impact on me, and I continue to thrive, helping in creating awareness in mental health, especially men’s mental health. I completely understand the fact that I am not a licensed psychologist, but at my level, I am trying my level best to promote men’s mental health, encouraging people, my friends, teens like me to vent out whatever they are feeling, go to therapy, seek help. And how there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
This is the reason I wanted to share my story. I hope listening to my story would really give you hope, and you will find a safe place where you can discuss whatever you have been dealing with. Trust me, it gets better, and it will get better; you will be in a better place. The way you feel right now won’t last forever. Be kind to yourself, and you are worth it!
