I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was 23, during the first year of my working life. I have had at least two more episodes since then, one of which cost me my marriage. The intent behind writing this is to try and pass on some of the things I have learned about mental health and illness, now that thankfully, I am in a relatively better place in life.
I must start out by saying that I feel extremely fortunate and privileged because the problems I have had with mental health are very mild in comparison to those of a lot of people that I have heard and read about, and also because I have had unstinting support and help from family, friends, managers, colleagues, and mental health professionals, for which I feel tremendously grateful.
Having said that, if I could segue into perhaps the most important thing I have learned – it is that if you are facing mental health challenges, you should try not to feel apologetic about your mental state. My experience is with anxiety and depression, but I would think it is similar for quite a few other problems as well. You would, no doubt feel, and you could well be reminded by a few (probably well-meaning) people around you that your problems are small compared to those of millions of people around the world. While this is undeniably true, it does not diminish from the seriousness of the problem that you are facing, nor does it take away from the validity of your feelings and your experience. Your primary duty of care is towards yourself, so be kind to your own self.
Also, try to be kind to others around you. This is far easier said than done. Nobody facing a mental health challenge willingly makes life difficult for their near and dear ones, yet almost inevitably, it happens. It is a natural impulse to lean on people that you love and trust the most when you are going through some of the more difficult times in your life and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
However, try to keep in mind that they may be going through problems of their own that you don’t know about, and it may not be easy for them to try and shoulder the burden of more than one person.
Please do not hesitate to take professional help. They are equipped to help you and also help the people around you deal with the situation. I don’t know if my marriage would have survived if I had been more conscious of how much of my difficulties I was knowingly or unknowingly passing on to my partner, but it would certainly have had a better chance.
However, do try to use the support network available to you in a positive way. This was difficult for me as an (extreme?) introvert, but I think I have learned a little bit about how to do this better in more recent times. Even if it is with a single person that you know intimately and trust, try to share how you are feeling, while being respectful of their time and personal space. Hopefully, it goes without saying that you should not expect solutions from them. The very act of sharing can act as a balm.
People often hesitate to take professional help for various reasons, ranging from worrying about the stigma involved to not knowing about the right channels to use. I was fortunate in this regard, because my friends and family were very supportive of me seeking help. I was also helped immensely by the fact that the managers that I worked with had a very good attitude and helpful stance. The organizations that I have worked with have also had very progressive and supportive attitudes towards mental health issues. Today, there are more and more workplaces that are sensitive to mental health related needs and that invest in creating resources that their employees can use in times of difficulty. Please try to make use of these avenues of support open to you.
Finally, when you are going through a tough time, especially if it is a depressive episode, try to find time to do things that you used to enjoy – this could be reading your favourite books again, watching movies that you like, taking part in sports or other recreational activities that suit your taste. Thankfully, we live in an age where options for entertainment are unlimited. You might not enjoy them as much when you are feeling down, but you may find that making that initial effort is worth it.
You may have noticed that I have said “try to” several times in this piece. This is essentially because I recognise how difficult it is to actually practice most of these things when you are feeling down, mentally. I am writing this with the benefit of hindsight and I fully realise some of this may sound like stating the obvious. But we do sometimes ignore things that lie right under our noses and if you take away even a tiny little bit from this piece, I would be happy.
